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Finessing “The Process”

The healing time from a radical prostatectomy takes anywhere from six months to one year. That’s a long time to wonder! And even at that the doctor tells him that most of these surgeries will prolong life by 10 years.!!! My husband is only in his 50’s.

Since my husband’s father died from prostate cancer and his sister was a breast cancer survivor he is in a higher risk group. Now comes the “ finessing process”. How do you get a man “out of his own head “ worrying about how long he’s going to live?

Life is never guaranteed I should’ve been dead five times over so I can talk with experience that life and death is “just a roll of the dice”.

Now I have a very unhappy man who thinks that he’s dying and I think that his thought process is making him sicker, the fears and expectation of losing him is also making me angry! And to be honest I might’ve snapped at him a few times because I just feel like he has given up and I feel lost and I’m afraid, I know he feels the same way.

In a perfect world or in the movies “everybody comes to terms with the eventual outcome and everybody lives happily ever”. In my world I am worried about my husband and it feels like my marriage is failing.. I can’t fix him! I try to be gentle in getting him to do what needs to be done ie: blood test etc, and now he is experiencing back and kidney pain 8 month post surgery! And is not doing anything about it!

I just need to find a gentle way to finesse him into just excepting “what is” and taking care of himself to prolong his life as long as we possibly can, do we need outside support, maybe counselling?

I have reached out to his family , it seems that hard conversations about these issues are just not really had. He is the youngest in his family, and most of his siblings worked in or for emergency services. Ie paramedics, nursing, etc. so they are not ignorant to what he is experiencing. I know they love their little brother, so maybe this is the way they have always communicated as a family? 

I need to know that he’s willing to put in the work to try and at least “save himself” and that I’m not just a caretaker for somebody who’s already given up. I don’t know that I can live the next 10 years of my life doing that?

I love my husband he’s funny, compassionate , loving and a great dad, uncle, brother. He has been my rock and he’s helped me through really tough times but our relationship is very new, we’ve only been married a few years and me coming from a very bad 22 year marriage.

How do I finesse telling him that he needs to chose life.. to “really chose life”, love and finally me? I will support this man to the ends of the earth.. but he needs to accept the love and WANT to live!!

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