It takes a village!

So to continue the story where we left off … my friend and I were penpals and she was far away from me .. the reason for the move is her business but events leading up to me rescuing her are mine. I could feel how lonely she was and I was really worried that if we didn’t bring her back home something terrible would happen to her or the kids or both.. So I made a plan grabbed her sister who had a van and we drove to go get her.. If my memories serve me right we did not tell her we were coming… SURPRISE!!

Now to tell you where my mind was at during all this .. If you started this story at the beginning with me You would’ve read about how tough and unsafe my childhood was, About how my mother had taken the time to tell me a terrible story about how she had tried to To kill both me and my brothers by turning on a gas oven in the small apartment that she was living in. She went into great detail about how she dressed us all up in perfect little outfits before she turned the stove on. That story always stuck with me, And just how desperate she must’ve felt at that time.

So those thoughts stay with me.. I had no control then.. but I certainly had the ability to help a friend when she really needed it.

It was awesome to have her home, she and I drove back together and got to spend some great quality time together.. she did the work and decided that she was going to change her life!! And she did it, changes take time and effort and patience.. she grew from all that turmoil and her babies where in a much better place.

As I side note I would like to say to all the parents out there… yes as parents we mess up .. lots I’m sure.. please for the mental health of your children don’t tell them the types of self serving stories ( self serving meaning was a guilt shift) that will leave those children forever asking themselves if they are worthy! I never needed to know my mother wanted me dead.. and yes I understand her fear, shame, and hopelessness, and yes I understand her family was.. lets say dysfunctional. But I am a Mother.. who also had that generational curse passed on to me.. but NEVER in a millions years would the thought of killing my children enter my mind. That was a “gift” of knowledge I did not need to receive…. Just saying. I love my mother and there is a-lot of wonderful things she shared as well, and being her oldest daughter, she also passed on a very special gift of another type of knowledge. That I will share more on in future posts! This is just a gentle reminder that once said some “stories” can change your children’s internal views of themselves… be gentle!!!

PONDERING!!

So I’ve had an opportunity to stop and think about how much energy it takes to hold in bad feelings. And the worst part of that is that I’m the only one who’s feeling bad. It’s impossible to get closure or peaceful resolution from someone who doesn’t realize that they’ve done anything wrong Who won’t […]

Push Back

It’s kind of funny I wanna tell my truth my family says well I know there’s another version… Well my version is being abandoned by my mother, and being used as a pawn by my father… People tell me that I should just let it go… What do I let go?????? 

I don’t know where to start.:

I set out across Canada to help my siblings get my mother to a safe space.. It’s kind of ironic that I was a sibling choose to make the trip, the relationship between my mother and I has been difficult. She chose to give me away, but still fights To this day that she had […]

Awakening

I’m sorry guys it’s been a while since I’ve actually posted but I’ve had a very very very busy summer, I told you when I parked my blog that I had an important mission. So my mission was to drive across Canada in two weeks to remove my mother from an environment that was not […]

Pause

Hey I want to say thank you to everyone that reads me religiously I have a very special project that I cannot discuss but that takes me across Canada in a Rv. So working on that !! So less posts but for now while planning but will share on the road!

Prostate Cancer shhhhh!!

This topic is very personal to me, and I felt it important to share. A man that I love dearly had prostate cancer, and I am saying had because, he had a radical prostatectomy (they removed it) and some other tissue in that area. this is not an easy surgery, and mentally it makes a […]

Finessing “The Process”

The healing time from a radical prostatectomy takes anywhere from six months to one year. That’s a long time to wonder! And even at that the doctor tells him that most of these surgeries will prolong life by 10 years.!!! My husband is only in his 50’s. Since my husband’s father died from prostate cancer […]

Simple life.. what is that??

Nothing is simple in life. Every day we wake up with the hope that today is going to be a great day, we’re going to achieve something , reach an important health goal, pay a bill off in full, spend that quality time with our children, our loved ones, but it seems that something always […]

Man On Pause!!

That is how it feels when I communicate with my husband. Cancer sucks.. he struggles daily with the pain of healing, and the absolute fear of the unknown. How is everything going to work?? He has a follow up doctors appointment next month and has repeatedly told me he is going to punch his surgeon […]

Changes..

I thought I’d stop and take the time today to share a peek in on a new project that I will be starting very soon. Rebels Story is going to become more detailed and that project will be on its own. I am beginning a blog about Prostate Cancer. My husband had/has prostate cancer ( […]

What is..:

What is the right time to actually end a relationship with someone. Whether it be parent, sibling; friend, neighbour. At what point in time do you need to make the decision of when the relationship is healthy and when it isn’t? I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m probably “bat shit” crazy these days because […]

A Response!!

My mother actually posted on my blog the other day. It was a little bit of a shock to me as I wasn’t aware that she was actually reading it. But it did make me pause for a few days to stop and think about my content. I stopped to think about how this story […]

Things really heated up!!

Now to say that life was a challenge would be glossing over so much that happen during those years. I’m going to do exactly that and jump ahead and leave some of this “anguish” behind for just a little bit. The loss of that little boy in my life has been a very heavy burden […]

New Baby/Another Loss

My pregnancy with my second baby boy was super easy, the turmoil in the house not so much.. My son spent the time I was in the hospital with with his grandmother and I didn’t see too much of the new dad! Grandma brought my son to meet his brother in the hospital. After a […]

Lost Boy!!

So to continue with less drama I’m going to be very objective about this part of my life. It’s hard for me to talk about this time, because I carry a-lot of guilt! It’s important that I get this right because both of my sons, (Who we separated from each other consider themselves brothers even […]

Tears!!

I actually had to stop for a minute to have a good cry. People talk about how happy they are to get out of bad relationships, yes I was happy to get out of a relationship with a narcissist, but you can’t help but stop to think what if… I am still so angry at […]

Red Flags ohh my!!

I have to say that it’s kind of funny today is the actual wedding anniversary from that particular marriage. I am sure when I got married that day I never expected to be sitting today writing about it in the past tense. But I’m sure that people don’t get married ever thinking that it’s going […]

Passion over Reason

I met my second husband in a most unusual place. At an unusual time in my life. I was ready for companionship. (I caution any young ladies that think getting into a long-term relationship in your early 20s is a good idea, maybe step back and take a moment to think about it.) I will […]

Closing Doors/ Adventure’s

Someone once said that “if you close a door a new one will open.” I believe that unless you close that door “tight” behind you there is no opportunity for a new one to open, at least that is my belief when it comes to lovers and relationships. You can’t leave unfinished business behind and […]

Angels..

People who know me who see that heading are gonna have a little chuckle… Of course if I have to finish the story where I left it off we really have to go back and talk about the kids. And I mean babies really, our children were so young , we would put them all […]

My Brain hurts..

Going back-and-forth between the different times in my life is not easy, you’ve noticed that sometimes it is a couple of days between my posts. The reason for that is that sometimes in the process of telling the story it’s just open the floodgates of feelings and emotions I tried to forgot about. Or sometimes […]

Little Dancers all in a Row!!

The adult entertainment world is it very own very unique family of sorts. We would always see the worst in people, after they’ve had a lot to drink or they have had a fight with their significant other. Or people out to let off steam .. Sometimes that meant we were managing people acting like […]

Another look back…

I had to kind of circle back a little bit because I’ve had a lot of people make comments about how much information I’ve left out of this story.. For example how I had hitch hiked back-and-forth across the United States and Canada many times by the time I was 13. East coast to West […]

New Friends and Opportunities..

This edition of my story is a little bitter sweet. I have been sharing my relationship about my close friend and everything we did together and how much we had gone through together (she really saved my life more than once) so it’s really hard to say that at this point in my life I […]

Learning, Living , Loving!!

I kind of had to push myself today… but I did make myself a promise , that I would continue the story until the very end no matter what. There are times in my life that are difficult to talk about just due to the personal nature and the fact that in some of these […]

Reflection

It’s Sunday at about 6 o’clock and I’m actually adding a little side story to this whole site. The reason why I haven’t blogged till now is that in the process of trying to upgrade my site I ended up losing all my blogs. Yupe they totally went on a walk about!! Now this is […]

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