You may find that this is an interesting place to introduce my grandmother but she plays a very large role in the next chapter of my life.
My grandmother kept my brothers for me! I “met” my brothers again because she kept in contact with the family that adopted them. We will come back around to that story later!
My fathers mother is still my favourite person, she passed on 30 yrs ago and I still miss her.
My grandmother was a character, proud, always well dressed, hair always done! Beautiful jewelry and furs, she had the most gorgeous hats and shoes!!! Very posh!!
She drove across provinces to bring me to my brothers… mind blown. Grandma tried to fill in the blanks about my young mother, my brothers, my father and me!
My grandmother also taught me some very important lessons, on survival, perseverance, self care and loving. She really did her very best to protect me, and she loved me “ unconditionally”
It’s very hard to understand how she could be so loving to us, her grandchildren and yet have created such a terrible person in my father. I think that my fathers second family were so very very lucky to have my stepmother so involved she did not put up with any of his crap and I believe that her love and care is what made that family succeed.
They never experienced, and can never understand how it made me feel when my father wanted to “pimp out my friends” Why ??
Generational trauma repeated again in regards to my dad, because his memory of his childhood is watching my grandmother have sex with men, or other women having sex with men in the rooming house that my grandmother ran, my dad once said he would peek through door holes and watch! This was how she supported herself and my father during poorer times in their lives!
She was not the first woman and certainly won’t be the last woman who had to survive using her assets and wits, in tough times,
Is that what caused my father’s issues? or was he always just unstable. Was he actually capable of loving me or was his anger just too great at my mother for him to even consider me as a person?