It seems that this particular time in my life was harder to reminisce than I thought it would be, so I’ve had to stop to take a few days.
Not so long ago out of curiosity I googled my husbands name and it popped up in an article that some student had written about Organized crime in the town where we lived. She referred to him as a vagabond. I took this very very personally, this man was a son, brother, husband and he was just starting his life. He had a home he had a family he had people who loved him he just made some bad choices. I’ve always taken ownership of that, that is a heavy piece of guilt to try to release. Breaths deeply!
I guess the question remains to be asked …do I tell our story, the story of how my husband died and why. I’m sure people would find that this type of story would be very exciting but it’s actually kind of terrifying and some thing that is best left alone, Just let it be said that I loved that man !!
I have so many funny stories about my brothers and him fighting with my father, about the relationships and friendships that we’ve made, how we hung out, where we went camping.. the friendships, there were so many good moments….
That part of my life was definitely about to change again…
There was a gang war going on in my town at that time in my life. Without going into all the details about my husband‘s involvement or other people that were involved at the time of his murder. I can only say that it was not a safe time but I guess living that life never really is safe you’re always at the mercy of someone else’s perception of whether or not you were a threat or an asset.
Luckily for me, I was considered an asset I didn’t have to worry about my place in the food chain. Now there have been books written and comments made that are absolute complete fiction that included my husband in the story, Written by people who have no idea..what living that life is about, sitting in their conventional perfect little houses, sitting at their computers writing stories about people that they don’t know!
People who write this garbage don’t take into consideration the “person”. How will this affect the people in their characters life? Did his Mother and sisters and brother read this? First they lost him.. now they must defend the image of him because someone chose to write about something they had not fact checked! If it wasn’t for how this could affect my children and my current life I would go back and readdress that face-to-face but I don’t know how safe that would be for me, so I will just tell the story and remain where I’m at “ for now” .