New Baby/Another Loss

My pregnancy with my second baby boy was super easy, the turmoil in the house not so much.. My son spent the time I was in the hospital with with his grandmother and I didn’t see too much of the new dad! Grandma brought my son to meet his brother in the hospital.

After a few days I was released with the new baby and we settled in at home. It was probably less than a week later that I got the call that my “Fostered Mom” had died!! She was only in her early 40’s and I was in shock, I expected her to be the loving grandma to my new baby, my boy lost his biggest supporter and we were lost .. new baby, new baby hormones, death of my mom.

I received a flower delivery that week .. same box .. 2 arrangements, one said Congratulations on your Son… The other.., Condolences for the loss of of your Mother!!

My life was about to get very very rough, very fast.

The relationship between my partner and my son was not going well at all, and He had talked about his stresses to his parents.

We were now dependent on him. I had a very active 7 yr old and a brand new baby and we were trying our best to cope! He had made the decision that my son was not safe for “his baby” because of an incident in the play room, and “threatened to take my baby away” said his parents already had a lawyer ready!!

I asked my sons father to take him until I could sort things out, but he was not living in a safe place for a 7 yr old boy! I was being forced to choose between my infant or my son. I had no one to turn to.. so I shut down and contacted Child and Family and asked them to intervene.

I love both my sons, and I was in an impossible situation, I supported my older boy while he was in care, I bought all his clothes, school supplies, shoes etc and had him home every weekend. I would pick him up mid week after work when I could then we would have “our” time, I was devastated and I was working to get him back home and had already had him for longer visits.

The battle I continued to fight was with my partner over my son, he would not accept him after his own son was born. Remember those Red Flags!! Waving furiously in the wind now… I was totally shut down and had started to self medicate with alcohol… my 5 yr old did not know his 12 yr old brother other than weekends and arguments between his parents.

By this time we had bought a house, with bedrooms for both boys!! And I was working to make it into a home for us all!! “I worked full time and took care of our home ..in the hopes that we would all be together .. “that would never happen for any length of time”!

Still I fought for my kids.. and lost a little more of myself.. each year that passed, and the guilt grew!!!

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