Someone once said that “if you close a door a new one will open.”
I believe that unless you close that door “tight” behind you there is no opportunity for a new one to open, at least that is my belief when it comes to lovers and relationships. You can’t leave unfinished business behind and expect to have better results in the future.
An important step in developing relationships is to understand that sometimes it’s very hard to open that door.
Lately I’ve been reading about the difficulty that people have meeting potential mates and developing relationships. I wondered when one is looking into these new relationships what they are actually looking for!!
As a “survivor” my choices have always been very selective and that I trust my gut instinct always . Some people may be more attracted by looks or financial gains, I can promise you that these are temporary and if that is the basis on choosing a partner there is going to be disappointment ahead. These are very hard lessons to learn and to be truthful I’ve had to learn it the hard way several times myself.
I instinctively know if a person has negative or positive energy, since it is so hard for me to trust (mentally) I have to rely on my other senses to ensure that I am protected from any more mayhem. I’m not the only person in this world that has suffered, abuse, loss, fear, shame etc. etc. And I’m sure that there are many people out there that are asking the same question “how do you ensure that this potential new relationship isn’t going to hurt”!
Unfortunately there are no guarantees and unless you open yourself up (open that door).. You’ll never know if that person was right for you or not. Don’t let your trauma stop you from being able to enjoy life!
So with closing the door on the relationship with my murdered husband , it was very hard to even consider a future with someone else. I eventually opened myself up to a relationship with the man who was my oldest sons father although I did not get to the point in life where I trusted him enough to marry him (and yes he did ask). I was ready for new adventures but I was not ready to be tied to any particular man .. (He often said he was in competition with a ghost.. and maybe he was)!
For the next five years or so I focused on my family, the girls, my son and self development. It’s funny the natural reaction was to use the words “self improvement” here but really I wasn’t trying to “improve myself” I was trying to develop new skills to improve my situation in life.. it took me the longest time to realize that I didn’t need to “ be fixed”, I just needed to learn to love myself and plan around that!
Of course it wouldn’t be a new adventure without introducing a new character, in this particular case it was going to be my next husband, and it’s actually crazy how I actually allowed myself to be manipulated so completely. I happen to know of a couple of females that kind of got sucked in right around the same time I did. It’s kind of ironic that on my wedding day I was feeling so “off” and was actually considering doing a “runner”, if not for the fact that I was talked down per se by his father and a few of our friends……..That should’ve been red flag number one!!