Once the powers that be .. aka Child & Family Services found a placement for me, I finally had a small measure of peace, my new momma was a social worker, single woman and one of the brightest lights in my life! She treated me with respect and kindness and I never felt unsafe with her.
So you would think that this would be the end of the story and that I live happily ever after!!
Not for this young lady, you see I had a burning desire to get back to my birth mother and that was my plan. I went to school got excellent grades and planned. In my mind the reunion with my family would be fantastic and I could tell my brothers and sister all about our other siblings!! I stayed in that foster placement until my casts were removed and I was able to get around. I looked for my mother, I asked if I could go home? I was told that my mother had been contacted but that I couldn’t return.
Once again I was crushed, I must really be awful if my own mother does not want me! I refused to believe and literally hit the road looking for her and my siblings. I hitchhiked across Canada from the east coast to the west and along the way I looked for them.
I finally found them with the help of one of my rides and he delivered me to my mother. I was so nervous yet excited , I had not seen them in around 4 years they had moved several times over those years, ( I believe my “step father was terrified of my father and they were on the run). I walked up to that door rang the door bell and waited to finally see my Mother!
My mother opened the door and looked right at me…. Then she said “ can I help you?” My heart dropped. “Mom?”. She looked like she was going to faint! She looked out behind me to see who brought me and she then realized I was alone, she invited me in! I was in a hurry to see my brothers and sister, my sister was sleeping and I popped into her room to see her, she woke up and called out my name the minute she saw me!! She remembered me. ironic that the baby is the one that missed me most!!
Well being home did not last long.. I was angry , my step father was angry and I am sure between us both my mother was loosing her mind! Once again I was sent away, this time I refused to be taken care of… by anyone. I was hurt, lonely, angry and pretty much fed up! I returned back East and went to my grandmothers.
Now my grandmother was determined to see me safe , and even though she knew CFS and the police were looking for me she did not turn me in, she let me mourn the loss of my mother in her care.
She decided at that point that it was time for me to meet my older brothers. So she organized a trip to go see them and shared some stories of when we were babies. She said my mother always dressed me in little dresses when I was a baby, my grandmother called me her little doll. She also told me that my mother had actually lived in a sanitarium with me and my brothers when I was a baby and my dad went to prison (again).
My mother in her defence said she tried to kill all 3 of us then by turning on a gas oven and laying us down on the bed in our room. I don’t know why my mother felt the need to share this with me other than that she knew my grandmother would tell me, and she was looking for sympathy? Well luckily she did not succeed and my brothers were placed with a great family with lots of siblings. I don’t know why she chose to keep me then?